Broken Soul

I don't understand
the beauty they're seeing,
when, in the mirror,
there's this ugly thing,
this disgusting being.

I go through life with
only cares in my mind.
They haunt me endlessly,
with peace hard to find.

Insomnia and sleepless nights
dog me from day to day.
It doesn't matter how tired I am,
or the softness of the pillow where my head lay.

Fatigue isn't enough
to quench the hell in my mind.
My memories of torture and rape
are always easy to find.

I fall back on them when
I feel that I'm in danger.
I can't let anyone near;
I only know strangers.

My heart swells to
contain those closest.
But my mind closes on them;
I can only take small doses.

My soul mourns death;
my body worships life.
My mind is torn by
memories of pain and strife.

I only hope God,
in his almighty power,
can give me the needed strength
that I wish for every hour.